all or nothing

i feel as though i'm losing myself amongst materialistic things and gossip. in a world where technology is increasing and communication face to face is disappearing, i can honestly say i haven't had a heart to heart in a really long time.

have you?!
you know those heart to hearts that leave a person crying, laughing, and wishing it would never end all at the same time. the kind of heart to heart where its a huge jumbled mess, but its completely understandable and no advice is available, just ears to listen.

so i've come to realize im a messy person. not only does my room look like a bombshell went off, but my mind is such a jumbled mess (as is this blog -- haha sorry :]). i have all these plans and aspirations and can't follow through on them. i start one project, get distracted and its another pile in my mess. i can never tackle one thing at a time. its all or nothing. and i cannot say no. i've learned it takes a toll on me being able to concentrate. i get so distracted that instead of dealing with the here and now, ill go watch tv or divulge in some delicious junk food, or go on the computer. i wish my mindset wasn't like that. it would be so much more helpful and i wouldnt procrastinate.

beth liked to remind me that lent was just next week. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! it came so quickly. it seemed like advent, and christmas was just last week. and now comes the time to give something up that would be a sacrifice in our life, just like God gave His only son to die for us. can anything ever match that ultimate sacrfice. just recently i started paying greater attention at church and truly listen to the words the priest speaks. espicially at the preparation. it brings tears to my eyes to be able to partake in such an outstanding gift given to us. for all the sins we commit, He still died for us, and He still loves us. WHY? im a sinner. i've had sex, i lie, i cheat, i'm jealous, i gossip, i'm greedy ... and yet, i am perfect in his eyes! WHAT?! are you kidding me?! that is SO amazing. how can i give something so measurable back?

life is okay. i didn't do so well on my maternity test. but i deserve that. i didn't study as well as i should have but theres always the next one right?! I HATE THAT! i hate theres always next time. because there isn't. not always. i cannot stand taking the risk of not saying what i want to. or not doing the best because i think something is better at the moment. nothing can compare to your life and how you live it. so make sure you live every moment like its your last, because you honestly have no idea when that is.
read the lyrics live like were dying by kris allen.
look at the question that he poses -- what if your plane was gonna crash who would you call?! why do you have to wait until that plane crashes. can't you call them now? i challenge you to call them now! let them know how you feel about them and what you want them to know. it is such a scary world now-a-days, can you tell me whats going to happen next. no! so why live in this fear of the unknown, in this fear of biting your tongue for hurting someone's feelings.
you only have this one life to live. no area for mistakes. its all or nothing. take it or leave it.

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying