life in a nutshell

i've lost touch with alot of people and it honestly tears me down. i look at pictures and remember all of the amazing memories i've shared with each person and i think to myself "what happened to us...why did we drift apart" i've come to realize that a lot of the time people come to me when they need something because they know i can't say no. it feels good to wanted, but once that moment is gone...i'm left alone, and why they can't stay and keep me company. i really want to know what is wrong with me and i'm tempted to ask anyone who will listen.

i was recently reading the perks of being a wallflower for about the tenth time and each time new meanings come out that truly can relate to my life. sometimes i feel like charlie... the good and the bad

" So, I decided to find another place to go and figure out why people go there. Unfortunately, there aren't alot of places like that. I don't know how much longer I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like. It's much easier not to know things sometimes. And to have frend fries with your mom be enough."

"And at the moment we were infinite...Running after the sun..and everything was as good as it could be...Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way."

tonight, i was sitting on my balcony watching the sunset with my roommate. we just sat there, saying nothing and just thinking. i wanted so much to just break down-- to cry and laugh and scream and show every emotion all at once and to just LET IT GO. but instead i kept quiet and just thought, building up the rage, sadness, joyfullness all at once, waiting to explode. thoughts about myself, where i'll be in five years, who i'll grow old with, what i can do to change a person's life, how to interact with others. i honestly have no idea what my thoughts are, or where theyre going. i'm just overly emotional and don't understand life at this moment...BUT the sunset did something for me tonite and its an AMAZING thing!

it's a big world at our fingertips and you know, we have the chance to change it...