first and foremost, i miss you all. ALOT. and i really hope and pray that you are doing amazing.
i'm sorry i've been a bad friend and have not kept in touch with you all.
ad⋅dic⋅tion Pronunciation [uh-dik-shuhn]
1. the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
2. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
addiction is such an ugly, awful word and i can't seem to find anything positive that it can interact with. a person could be addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, looks and so much more. is there a positive twist at all?
alot of my patients on my mental clinical were addicted to drugs and alcohol and so many told me how determental it is to family, friends, and most importantly themselves. not only were many unemployed but they went for days without food because they spent their money on the cocaine, benzo's, opiates, and weed. they werent able to support their children so they lost them to child custody and other family members.
it can truly hurt everyone surrounding them.
as most of you know, my father is an alcoholic. and it is tearing my family apart. so many times i come home from school and find him passed out on the toilet, and there i am to help him pull his pants up and put him to bed. what a disgusting sight i see almost daily. he argues constantly with everyone, especially my mommy. i go to bed crying everynight. i pray to God for a way out or a way to deal with all of this. i can NOT handle this. it's pulling me down to a point i won't be able to ever get back up. although no one ever sees this, i am so embarrassed by my fathers actions. i vow to never be like him, never be addicted.
but then i would be a hypocrite
i'm addicted to food. i'm addicted to looks. i strive to be perfect. yet i fail miserbly. yes, God created me this way, and i am beautiful in HIS eyes, but others? hell no. i'm addicted to finding a boyfriend. one who will listen to me. tell me i can be a nurse. one that i can put my head on his lap and study while he watches tv. one who supports me and understands what i go through every day. one who will treat me like a princess, and not want more then i can give him. i honestly just want a person to appreciate me. i can never seem to be a person someone remembers when they go out to a party or a hockey game. but when they need something such as a ride, or money for gas they find me. and i cave in. and it sucks.
i dont know whats wrong with me. i think i need a trip back to my past. where i felt safe. where i didn't know heartache, disapointments, broken promises. a time where all i knew was love and nothing could break that.
i love you all. so much.
let those silly stupid problems just slide away. don't spend time overanalyzing like i do. you deserve to be happy and i really hope you are. spend time with those you cherish only. and please stay exactly the way you are. cause you are beautiful
